It wasn’t hard to think of a title for this blog: ‘dancing with another man’ is a line from the song ‘When I was your man’ by Bruno Mars.  I first heard it on the car radio when I was driving home one day and it did what songs never do: it made me cry.  If you’re not familiar with it, here it is.

Why did it have such an impact on me?

Well, for a long time I’d been trying to find something that husband and I could do together; I desperately wanted us to have a common interest.  A couple of years ago, we had the opportunity to try some ballroom and latin dancing and husband enjoyed it and wanted to pursue it.  I found somewhere and we started lessons and I loved it.  They were group lessons and very social.  We were doing something together, something we both enjoyed.  Then gradually he started coming home later, too late to go.  Each week, he said he’d come the following week.  Once in a while he did but it became more and more infrequent until eventually he stopped altogether.  By that time, I was hooked and part of me kept hoping he’d reconsider. I jokingly said he was pushing me into the arms of another man because I had a new partner there.  It is and always will be purely a dancing relationship.  He needs a partner and I need a partner – it’s practical.

So when I heard this song, it struck a chord.  He doesn’t buy me flowers, he doesn’t hold my hand, he doesn’t take me to parties cos all I want to do is dance.  That’s all it would take: small gestures and, in all honesty, I’m not even bothered about the flowers.  So I’m dancing with another man when the only person I really wanted to dance with was my husband.

I think perhaps this song made me realise how unhappy I was in my marriage and that I deserved more, because everybody deserves love and affection and the small gestures from the person they’re sharing their life with.

It seems unreasonable to blame Bruno Mars for my current situation but…

 

 

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