As I’ve said before, I don’t want to feel like I do about my marriage, about husband.

I want something to happen to change my feelings.

Every time I feel that we are taking some small steps towards each other, husband throws up the barriers and starts an argument.  For me, it’s just one more nail in the coffin.

For example, on our weekend away, we had a really pleasant evening in a lovely restaurant.  Afterwards we went to a bar.  We walked in.  Husband stopped.  “Go on”, I said.  “You don’t want to be here”, he said, and turned and walked out fast, leaving me struggling to catch up in high heels on cobbled streets – a funny scene in a rom-com, except there’s no rom and not a lot of com and quite probably no happy ending.

Then a couple of nights ago, he came in and started an argument over the fact that he had been festering for three days that my sister had been round and the final straw was that I looked at somebody’s Facebook status and laughed.  I’d booked some theatre tickets for us and felt quite warm towards him but, like I say, a force-field appears and it’s curtains for the good mood.

So when I have a small glimmer of hope, it’s not long before it’s extinguished.

Sad but true.