I’m been thinking about yesterday.  At midday, in my journal, I wrote “It’s ballroom and Latin tonight and to hell with the consequences. Feeling empowered now I have greater insight and my headache has gone.”

So what went wrong?

I’m strong when he’s not around but falter and doubt myself when he is.  I become Child Me, desperately seeking approval, desperately avoiding disapproval.

Last night, I avoided disapproval by not going out.  I sought approval by staying in.  And I didn’t get any acknowledgement and so Child Me wanted to scream “it’s so unfair” but she’s silenced because she’s only a child.

So now, not only do Happy Me and I have to put up with Sad Me dragging along but we’ve also got Child Me trailing behind us.

We’re going to have to teach her to grow up.

Fast.

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