He got physically abusive. Just over a week ago. This is what happened.
It was Saturday. I cooked dinner as my daughter was hungry. He wasn’t back from work. I never know when he’s going to be back: it could be 4.00pm, it could be 10.00pm. I prepared some for him and left it on the side – I still cook for him even though the decree nisi has come through, it seems petty not to. We ate at about 5.30.
He got in at 7.00pm. I was getting ready to go out. He stormed upstairs shouting that his dinner was ruined and he might as well cook his own dinner when he got in. So I said that from now on I wouldn’t cook for him anymore and I didn’t want him to eat inferior food. I was very calm because I’m done with all this. It will be over soon and he will be out of my life. There was more salad and meat and potatoes so he could start cooking again from fresh and have the quality of meal he was demanding.
I started to walk downstairs. I don’t know whether it was to get away from the shouting or to do what I eventually ended up doing, but as I was walking downstairs, he shouted “Don’t throw it away!” Did that give me the idea or was the idea already there? Who knows?
I threw his dinner in the sink and dumped the plate on top of it.
And he lost it. He grabbed me, shook me, shouted in my face, shoved me away, grabbed me again, shouted in my face again. My daughter was watching, screaming at him to stop, crying. Eventually, he let go and I turned and walked away, which was when he pushed me from behind and sent me hurtling across the hall.
I walked upstairs. My daughter got all my things together, hugged me, and I left, shaking.
My children went on holiday together the following day. The younger one told the older one that she didn’t want to go because she was worried about me. I was scared to be in my own home with him. I never expected to feel scared and that in itself was frightening. He hasn’t hurt me, and part of me thinks it’s not physical abuse unless you’re injured, and I kept telling myself that he wouldn’t actually hurt me but another voice inside me kept telling me that’s probably what all women think before they’re injured or worse. And he hadn’t been drinking. So I’m staying with a friend until my daughters get back.
I’ve learnt so much this past week.
I’ll tell you another time.
dancingwithanother 
I’m really glad you and your children are in a safe place. I can feel your strength flowing through your words as you write and while I don’t know whether you feel that strength all the time, please know that I am thinking of you and sending you healing energy from Bristol, UK. Good luck with your journey. Light and Love xxx
Stay strong and safe. Have you checked out Lisa e scott’s website/forum? Lots of women in the same situation as you and many who have gotten out of abusive relationships and made new lives. Its a safe place to share whats going on and to get support. Hope the light at the end of the tunnel is near.
Please don’t doubt yourself. That WAS physically abusive (and emotional of course).
Please stay safe. You need to keep that man out of your life. In the meanwhile, make sure to record every incident and tell somebody what is happening. Ask for help 🙂 Sending you hugs and strength
Dancing….just found your blog, and YES you were physically abused…the same thing happened to me 2 weeks ago…and I doubted what had just happened…PA Man grabbed me by the shirt collar and pulled me towards him, as I sat in the car and we were having words!
I haven’t even blogged about it, because, wow…I still can’t believe it happened!
Anyway…so happy you are divorcing him and getting FREE!!! Stay safe until then!
Please file police report ASAP. Narcs are notorious for manipulating the courts. If you get divorced, you are going to want those incident reports on YOUR side. Otherwise, it’s only a matter of time before he starts throwing around the word “bipolar” and going after custody, because he thinks he’s too special to pay child support.
It’s all there….in the narcissist’s playbook. They all seem to follow almost the exact same formula. It’s frightening, but at least we all can know what to expect.
On another note…. I hope you have somewhere safe to stay. The minute he put his hands on you, he lost his privilege to so much as make eye contact with you- in my humble opinion. You ought to have the locks changed, a restraining order in place, yesterday, and a happy sunshine party with your kids, over the fact that the monster is gone. Of course, that is only my opinion.
Once a “man” (and I use that term loosely), starts beating his woman, it’s only a matter of time, before he puts his hands on your precious babies. And I don’t know about you, but i would consider a restraining order a tool for HIS protection, should a man EVER even LOOK harshly at my babies…. Mama Bear will not remember what happened to you, if you mess with my cubs….LOL… Best of luck to you… Hang in there.